It's all hidden.

Y'all sing with me... i have the lyrics...

I used to hum along with it. Now that i know the lyrics, i wouldn't sound like a kid 'we're going down... down.. la la la lah lah..' haha

FALL OUT BOYS
"Sugar We're Going Down"

Am I more than you bargained for yet
I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Cause that's just who I am this week
Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
(A notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)

Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team

We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
[x2]

Is this more than you bargained for yet
Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans
Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
(Notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)

Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team

We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
[x2]

Down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

We're going down, down in an earlier round (Take aim at myself)
And Sugar, we're going down swinging (Take back what you said)
I'll be your number one with a bullet (Take aim at myself)
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

We're going down, down (down, down)
Down, down (down, down)
We're going down, down (down, down)
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

We're going down, down in an earlier round (Take aim at myself)
And Sugar, we're going down swinging (Take back what you said)
I'll be your number one with a bullet (Take aim at myself)
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 3:10 AM .

My Camera, My Bestfriend..

On our way to Embassy Club..

Hours before that..

JC and i found amusement in my camera for like friggin 3 hours. We found a red mask underneath and he decided to pose with it. I told him i like the idea of having my pictures taken in black and white.. I'm just sharing the results of our visit to boredomness kingdom last weekend.. heh

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 7:50 AM .

The Medicall World

Loopt guys... Chris, Chel, Ica and Juve

Mike and Chel ( this pic gives me the creeps.. )

Chel and Chris

with Robert and Ica

The medicall boys

Robert and his 'face'

Ica, Juvy and moi

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 8:48 AM .

I found this on SpiltMilk's page..

three names you go by:
1. toni
2. tonita
3. tonette

three screen names you have had:
1. stylish_toni
2. toni banana
3. tuesday

three physical things you like about yourself:
1. my nose, it makes me look more like dad
2. my eyes, expressive as they say
3. my legs, all of my significant ones loved 'em

three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. my hands...
2. my height... i'm petite
3. my fats are unevenly distributed. ( lemme sing with you, chelli . daym! )

three parts of your heritage:
1. my nose
2. my skin color
3. my unexplainable skin allergies

three things that scare you:
1. worms!!!!! hate 'em
2. mosquitoes
3. sudden death

three of your everyday essentials:
1. digicam
2. waterproof mascara ( 'coz i'm a crybaby )
3. pc

three of your favorite musical artists as of now:
1. Sarah Mclachlan
2. Isha
3. Aqualung

three of your favorite songs:
1. November Rain GNR
2. Strange and Beautiful AQUALUNG
3. Runaway Train SOUL ASYLUM

three things you want in a relationship:
1. spark
2. magic
3. laughter

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. clean fingernails
2. expressive eyes
3. tsaka... amoy baby*

three of your favorite hobbies:
1. beach bummin'
2. shoppin'
3. scrap book making.. ( really addictin' !)

three things you want to do really badly now:
1. walk around naked
2. ghost hunting
3. shop. shop. shop.

three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. Fashion stylist
2. Photographer
3. Theater Acting

three places you want to go on vacation:
1. New York
2. Rome
3. Paris

three kid's names you like:
1. Augusta Marie
2. Laeticia
3. Vladimir

three things you want to do before you die:
1. live by the beach
2. own a yacht
3. sponsor a child

three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. cry baby
2. OC
3. shoppin addict

three celeb crushes:
1. Nicolas Cage
2. Ethan Hawke
3. Ashton Kutcher

three people that i would like to see take this quiz:
1. Marti
2. Pearly
3. Gemma

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 10:00 AM .

pics and more pics..

friendship rings

a shy pornstar pose..

practice that 'pout', babe

My besties..

I wanna be like her..

Toni *heart* Charlize Theron

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 8:22 AM .

Galera aug '06

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 9:47 AM .

They call me..TUESDAY

Lovely day, aint it?

I'm in the mood for wearing bright coloured tops and plated skirt. So what?

I had a great weekend with my two besties, Pearly and Marthy.. ( i'm posting pix of our Galera trip real soon )

I was RAPED by fuckin' Puerto Galera waves, but it was fun! :0

Chelle says she's craving for some pasta? YUM.

We have a lot of things goin' on here... and i mean a lot.

I think i'm in for some silly stuff...

Ghost stories rule the world-- the medicall world, that is.

I'm meeting JC in about an hour. I'm excited.

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 9:42 AM .

Unwanted Thoughts

wednesday:
I was friggin' sick and bored to death.
My bed could've swallowed me whole.
My toenails cried for help.
I craved for cookies 'n cream flavoured ice cream.
JC brought me some cake as a 'pasalubong' and as a peace offering. haha

My eyes were fuckin glued on tv til mom asked me to move my ass. We circled glorietta like mad crazy. We had some spa, shoppin', light dinner and headed home. It made the day seem long. Mom is my bestest friend ever, it's sure nice to have her around.

today:
The song 'world on fire' by Sarah Mclachlan somehow moved me.
Ghost stories seems to scare the shit out of me.
I must admit i'm dumbfounded at times.
I'm beginning to like the taste of my finger nails. It sucks.
Id like to fuckin stuff my whole fist to my mouth and see if it feels great.
I feel weird.

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 7:39 AM .

I'm a shoe addict

My thing for shoes had been with me a long time. At school I defied the nuns and their no-heels-above-one-and-a-half-inches rule. So right as soon as i graduated, i spent almost half of my allowance buying the shoes that gives me my sense of style. haha ( even if i have to starve myself )

Shoes give you instant uplift. It's surgery without the knife. Heels transform the way you walk and carry yourself. You come over all womanly because you are forced to stick your butt out in one direction and your breasts in the other. They give you inches. They give you power. They transform you in a quick, easy way that no other item of clothing or make-up can. Shoes make you feel like who you want to be. You catch sight of them winking in a window or beckoning from a magazine and think that if you had them your life would be different.

I remember Carrie in Sex and the City saying that if she hadn't spent so much money on shoes she could have bought an apartment. Funny but true. And shoes are my friends. They would take me places. I could walk thousand miles and not minding a bus ride but i couldn't take a chance not having to drop by a cute shoe store when pay day comes. You see the beauty of shoes is that you are never too fat for them, whatever the time of the month. It is a deep and primal thing, shoe obsession. Shoes create an illusion that you grow to depend on.

Breaking my foot not only meant that I couldn't walk, couldn't exercise and got fat, it meant that I was desexualised. With proper shoes you can't forget your femaleness. If every day you have to look down at Birkenstock-style shoes and this gaze spans three seasons, you become desperate. You feel so ugly. So with fashion, i never take my shoes for granted. It has to go with the outfit. This is what makes us different from the male species. We can wear different colors of shoes, yes even the red ones!

I can vividly remember my first romantic date with JC. I wore this glamour pair of shoes, he kept on lookin' at it. I couldn't find myself to ask him why. And congratulate me for last night i was able to do so and he said
'i've always loved you and your shoes' Very well said. haha

So for all you women out there never be afraid to wear your style! Your pair of shoes will surely take you somewhere magical.. believe me.

Trivia: How many times did i mention the word 'shoes' in this entry?

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 8:58 AM .

My Very Usual Tuesday Morning

I've discovered a link to Sam Oh's thread page ( Solar entertainment Forums ). This site is so so cool 'coz you could actually message her and talk about anything under the sun. ( well you prolly be thinking im so into her. Oh yes i am! i like her so and i am not ashamed of it ) Too bad she's not that popular to those who only have local tv shows. I was like 'yeah she's the one on ETC channel', and people from our office was like 'who?', im like 'never mind'. Alright, so as i was sayin' i found this site and i was itchin' to PM her. And today when i opened my mail,
YOU HAVE A NEW PERSONAL MESSAGE FROM SOLAR ENTERTAINMENT FORUMS

Read her message!

I firmly believe she's the one answering all these fan emails all because... uum.. well i have the gut feeling... haha... I hope it isnt bogus! Im crossing my fingers! heh.

I received a message from dear ol Martha. She lost her phone. She's kinda worried coz she'll pick up Pearly in the airport on thursday. And she was like asking me to join her pick up that bitch from Bacolod. haha.. Martha, im a think about it first haha.. I'm really hopin' for you to get a new mobile just before thurday so i won't have to drag myself to airport on thursday eve since i have work after.. nyah kiddin' Love you both!

--

Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me
There are times I cant decide when I cant tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm OK
Sometimes thats just what we need to get us through the day
-- Push by Sarah Mclachlan

Listen to Sarah Mclachlan's PUSH!

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 3:55 AM .

"Snow covers everything in white. It covers the sadness, softly.. If there is hapiness, it decorates it beautifully.. the snow continues to fall... "

--

I enjoy dining at Mexicali. I love the service, ambiance and most especially the food. JC and i always order the same food and drinks. We are a regular so I guess the crews are aware of how exactly we want our food done and served.The only weird thing is that everytime we eat at Mexicali, Glorietta, Sam Oh ( ETC: 2ND AVENUE -> Rated Oh! ) would be there too! And shes just all by herself everytime. She would just order some liquor and burritos and read this book. I cannot seem to have a full glimpse of the book's title though she was just seating from across our table. Know what? I'm starting to have some eye problems as a result of being a blog whore. Poor me. haha

--

A seer once said
'May darating na tao, di ko lamang tiyak kung babae o lalaki, siya'y papagitna sa inyong relasyon. Ang kanyang pagdating ay maaring ikasira ng inyong nasimulang pagmamahalan'
JC and i were completely shocked. I thought fortune tellers should atleast use kind words in explaining whatever they see with their 'tarot cards' . After all you paid them right? ( like in the movie, the doctors always use the right words. they wont tell you right away that the patient is already dying or if they really have to they'd tell you in the gentlest way possible )
These are the exact words that the lady told us. I cannot seem to forget these words. Anyhow, as they say 'hula lang naman yun. hawak nyo pa rin ang future nyo nuh' Right.

A prayer:
Friend Jesus, pls forgive me, i promise not to see any soothsayer or the likes because i know it isn't right and their fashion sense stinks. Amen.

--

Night life pics!

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 5:51 AM .

A Weekend with the Salcedos

Years back, i thought there couldn't be any other happy family like mine. Until i met JC's. I have always envied JC for having such incredible family. His parents are a happy, contented, God-fearing couple exactly like my parents. They put God in the center of their relationship which is why God never forsakes them.They have a loving home, filled with laughter and kindness.

That saturday morning, Mutya ( JC's cousin ) woke me up with a knock on my door. Tellin' me to go down and have breakfast with them. ( JC is in the office at that time) I was hesitant at the beginning, but then 'what the heck! its just breakfast with Salcedos' i mumbled. So there. A simple breakfast that led into a happy-chatting time with his mom about cooking, lessons in life and love and the dreaded topic: marriage per se. Marriage is never a 'thing' in my own house for my dad will surely never allow me to with my age. Goodluck, Toni! Baahh) and so i enjoyed every moment of pure laughter and crazy antiques with JC's parents or mama and dade.

Having lunch with them was kinda akward at first, i mean the seating arrangement. Imagine i had to sit down across 'mama' and dade being at my left side. I could have a heart attack at that moment. haha But the family's warmth made me comfortable to speak up and join them with stories i could possibly share. For short, i enjoyed the lunch with mama and dade, Mutya and Amy ( a close friend of the Salcedos ). I did enjoy every single moment of it even without JC's presence. yay!

Then later that eve, JC and i together with mama and dade on our way to church ( we had to walk for the church was just few blocks away from their house) That was the fantastic time ever. As we walk, JC and i was just behind his parents. I noticed how sweet his parents are inspite of their age. They walked with held hands, smiling and nodding with each other just like high school teener-lovers. That moment made me smile. It made me think, will JC and i be like them when we get old? haha Just a random thought that crossed my mind.

As i closed my eyes that evening, i've realized that I've never been this close to JC's family.I must admit it took me almost a year to call then 'mama' and 'dade' for i was like thinking i only have one set of parents but then God made me realize that i have accepted JC in my life and so as his parents being my own. The fact that JC being an only child, paved the way for Mr and Mrs Odee Salcedo to treat me as their 'own' daughter. And i'm so thankful for that.

They said you can never judge a book by it's cover. A lesson that i should always bear in mind. You see, i had this attitude of judging a person at the instanticity, looking on to their faults and so fort. Now, no more. Never ever judge people by the rumors you hear, or by past grudges or relationships they had with other people. For the time given to you to be close with them is a complete different thing from that of their relationship with other people. You know what i mean? I guess not! :)

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 10:20 AM .

Pics!

Why the hell do we look so dark-skinned here? Maybe because of the lights.. heh

At Shangrila hotel, ( i asked JC to wear my shades 'coz he looked so plain and pale )

i love my hair from this view

At Glorietta,

At Timezone, ( where else? haha )

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 9:41 AM .

A Message For Pearly

haha took a whole lotta pictures of me yesterday. and man, im back to being fair skinned! BRING ME BACK MY TAN! Imagine, after romancin' my digicam for two and a half hours, i thought of posting pics but when i noticed my skin color, i'm like forget it.Plus I just started dreads...and having a rat's nest on your head for a month is enough to make anyone camera shy. So forgive moi for not posting pics lately.

Times like these, i can't help but miss my two tanning buddies, Martha and Pearly.( Damn. Martha, when is that bitch coming here? )I'm looking forward to a great day for a beach trip, tanning and watermelon shakes on the sand.
*yellin'*
'Pearly, get yer pretty ass here in Manila asap!! IM GONNA SOAK UP THE SUN'

Sheryl Crow
Soak Up The Sun

My friend the communist
Holds meetings in his RV
I can't afford his gas
So I'm stuck here watching TV
I don't have digital
I don't have diddly squat
It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got o

I'm gonna soak up the sun
Gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up o I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna soak up the sun
I've got a crummy job
It don't pay near enough
To buy the things it takes
To win me some of your love
Every time I turn around
I'm looking up, you're looking down
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do

I'm gonna soak up the sun
While it's still free
I'm gonna soak up the sun
Before it goes out on me
Don't have no master suite
I'm still the king of me
You have a fancy ride, but baby
I'm the one who has the key
Every time I turn around
I'm looking up, you're looking down
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
Maybe I am crazy too

I'm gonna soak up the sun
Got my 45 on
So I can rock on.

Sing with me people! Click Here.

--

'just like that'

I bought a good book yesterday. I was really meaning to read one. I feel like i've been working my ass real hard, i'm forgetting things that matter most to me. Like reading, walking my dogs, spending time with my family and friends.
Sometimes it's hard for me to get up in the morning for i know i have to drag myself to work again. Has anyone noticed that no matter what you do these days it's just not enough? You work your ass off week after week just to barely make ends meet.. sometimes you can't break even.It's actually pretty lame having to spend the rest of your life confined in the dusty corners of your work station. I thought i'd decorate my work area. Like add colors to it, or bring some pictures and stuff. Yeah why not? That's a great idea. We all have to find ways NOT to make our life very ordinary. For when you get old and look back, and your grand children start asking you questions of how you lived your life. It'll be too late to realize that time passed you by 'just like that'.

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 2:52 AM .

Ugly Mask

Have you come to the point of having a hard time choosing between right and wrong? Have you ever crossed the paths of little difference between morality and socially acceptable behaviour? These are the questions that are running in my head now. I dunno i have nothing against ill reputation or whatsoever but i do think that one person should definitely be on guard of the image he/she is projecting in public.

I have come to socialize with people whom secretly undergone traumatic experiences from their lives. Those who have deep darkest secrets they wouldn't wanna spill out. The words that are coming out from their mouth are partly truth nor lie. And just to hide the fact that they are victims of these unfortunate events, they make up stories even to the point that they cannot even recognize themselves.

WE all have to wear our masks to protect some interest. But i think some people wear masks on a different level. Some who puts on masks that soon become a habit, then completely forget their whole 'real' persona. What is this all about? Are we the same person? or are we too addicted trying to please other people by being somebody that we are not?

What is happening to you, dear? Don't you hear that lil voice inside you, begging you to 'pls be the old self again'. I cannot blame you for trying to be too nice to please them but then again, don't you wanna be loved by these creatures by who you really are?

I am sad because i am just an ordinary acquaintance to you. But if i am one of your friends i will be the first one to wake you up and burn your UGLY MASK.

--

Yesterday, JC and i went mall hopping. From glorietta to megamall to SM North ( you prolly be askin' what the hell is wrong with us ) all because i'm looking for this certain piece of necklace that i've seen Paris Hilton wearing in one of her pictorials. Shop! Shop! Shop! I am just so lucky to have found a booey like him who has all the patience to a shoppin addict ( if there is such word ) like me. haha.

I had six hours of fantastic sleep. I've learned that for you to have a sound sleep, you gotta drop some jasmine oil to your pillows before bedtime. And taaadaaahhh... you'll surely attract all the sleep fairies at sight. :0

An officemate showed me some dog pictures and Ghaaad! i miss my dogs! It's been two days that i haven't seen them.

I might drop by National Bookstore or Powerbooks later after work to buy some good read. I think i gotta keep up on reading.. hah till then,folks.. xoxox much love, toni

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 9:03 AM .

Vanity Kills

Rome took all the vanity out of me; for after seeing the wonders there, I felt too insignificant to live, and gave up all my foolish hopes in despair. Author: Louisa May Alcott

Possibly, more people kill themselves and others out of hurt vanity than out of envy, jealousy, malice or desire for revenge.
Author: Iris Murdoch

Vanity as an impulse has without doubt been of far more benefit to civilization than modesty has ever been.
Author: William E. Woodward

A man who is not a fool can rid himself of every folly except vanity.
Author: Jean Jacques Rousseau

Vain-glorious men are the scorn of the wise, the admiration of fools, the idols of paradise, and the slaves of their own vaunts.
Author: Francis Bacon

The only cure for vanity is laughter, and the only fault that's laughable is vanity.
Author: Henri Bergson

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 9:17 AM .

Schizo at large!

O yeah like im dumb. I know you know what im talking about. I know for a fact that you want a piece of this shit so i'm gonna give you this--- here's my middle finger! They tell me you always read my blog. So I'm making you the main character for this entry. haha

Ms. doughnutshaped face, don't belittle other people's capacity more so their talents. And for pete's sake don't try to smirk and snoop around like nothing happened. You have no right to act that way.I know these are dangerous words to say. And i have promised a million times not to blog about this. However you pushed me to do so. And i am not afraid.

Now don't you go telling everyone how goodie-good you can be to us. Coz everyone knows how fugly you are! Look at you, you're such a mess. Trying to compete with everyone. Trying to outsmart other people by braggin on shit. That is why you don't have friends. Coz they can't stand being around you. You are but a schizo. I pity your sorry dumb ass!

Disclaimer:
This is my blog. I can say whatever i want to.
I might be in deep shit for this but i am responsible for my own actions. Feel free to come to me and say ' Hey Toni, I've read your blog... '. If you have the courage, that is.

Gee, I'm excited. haha

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 7:52 AM .

my bubble of joy....

I am not feeling well today. I am not in the mood for anything. I would just like to rub my sheets and plant my face into my pillow all through out the day. I guess i've been stressed out a lot which explains why i've been acting so weird lately. I've been getting a lot of comments like 'hey toni , you look so tired' or ' you need to rest, go home!' I know. I badly need it! Don't rub it in!

And then maybe i wasn't paying close enough attention with the way i look nowadays or maybe because im getting too comfortable 'being' in a relationship. You know, when you're with somebody special who never fails to give you compliments like 'you're the most beautiful person i've seen in my entire life' and mushy things like that. You tend to be too comfortable, unknowingly, you're becoming lazy to care about your looks anymore. This explains why a lot of guys are tempted to carry on 'extra' relationships despite the fact that they have a certain person whom they truly care for.

I mean why are there girls mourning as to how their guys creep behind their backs. When the answers right under their nose. Of course, your man must be so tired seeing you wearing the same clothes over and over, or that lipstick shade you've been using for ages. I mean c'mon you girls know for a fact that Men have always judged women by a physical standard, where as women have been less judgmental to their own looks. Sad fact.

Anyhow, I am just so lucky to have JC in my life. He who doesn't care if i spend hours in front of the mirror searching for the 'right get up', he who cares less whether i put on make up or just plainly wear a lip gloss.. *with nothing but a t shirt on, i've never felt so beautiful baby as i do now.. now that im with you* haha
Picture me floating in my own bubble of happiness.. dare not pop it, ayt?

--

I'm Old, you're Not!

Went to Lola's house with my fam yesterday. She immediately led me to her garden. I love the colors these flowers make up. It's like being near to a rainbow with pots of gold at the end of it. And when i touched these flowers it gave me the sense of serenity. I cannot forget the look on Lola's face when she told me how these flowers changed her outlook in life.
'You know, When your lolo died, he seems to take all the colors in my life with him to grave. Now i no longer feel alone, i have these beautiful creation at hand'.
I actually hate it when old people say
'When you get old, iha, you'll know what i'm talking about.'
It's like boldy saying,
'Look Little one, you still have your umbilical cord connected to mommy'.
Well, we all wanna feel babied at times but then again, i too, have my own stories to share that maybe these old peeps doesn't know anything about.
Anyhow,I am still amazed with how lola managed to grow all these beautiful flowers.
'I have a green thumb, iha.' I believe so.

Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at 5:37 AM .