YThursday, June 28, 2007
Oh no! Not Again!
I can barely even begin to type this because I feel it will just turn into a rant and by the end I will have said nothing I originally set out to say, just come off as an angry sobbing wreck and that's not exactly the image of myself I want to portray. I'm just. I'm angry at myself and my own stupid brain. I'm just so..
Ugh I DON'T CARE.IM WRITIN' WHAT I HAVE TO.THIS IS MY JOURNAL.AND IT'S THERAPEUTIC. FOR ME. I'm not gonna be labeled emo for having emotions that make me human and trying to put them into words. And no I'm not hormonal, it's two weeks past that time.
I feel like I'm going to EXPLODE. I have so much frustration and anger and boredom and sadness built up inside my I literally feel full to the brim, when I think about it it's like my chest swells up like my lungs might just burst. And the tears just fall out and I think if I screamed that would help but I can't because the house i live in has no privacy. GOD I just can't stand this. I've sobbed when everybody else is asleep. I'm miserable and this island feels like a prison. Last night I looked for societies or something I could join around here and there is nothing. NOTHING. I live NOWHERE.
And to anyone who doesn't know this I should explain; I live in the middle of a field, and I have really bad social anxieties. To walk to the nearest mall would take me hours. I'm stuck.
I've wanted to quit my job and crawl back to manila and everytime I think it I think 'no, don't be stupid' but that's getting more half hearted every time. I hate this pointlessness. I hate moving. I hate being static. I hate the same thing day in day out. I need a life. I need something to do.
My life is pointless.
At the moment.
and to make it worst, my birthdays up in days now..
saddest birhday to date..
until someone up there hears my awe..
Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at
