YTuesday, July 01, 2008
So, this is where I've been swirling lately:
1. Realizing what i have now is WAY below my level of ability, knowledge, and challenge level. I'm bored out of my skull and already going crazy and want out.
2. Sadness ensues, but it's a necessary evil. Priorities change when life presents different opportunities.
I'm petrified of failure.
3.I'm hovering somewhere between melancholia and supremely sad and hiding it every moment of every day that I'm around people. I don't expect anyone to cheer me up and often the attempt to do so just pushes me away if it's done in an manner that is sugar-coated or overly sanguine. I end up frantic and can't get away fast enough. I need to swing.
4.There's a hollow that's eating me; it's always been eating me. From inside out. It started where my heart was and has just spread like malignant cancer to the point where I feel as though my bones are empty.
I'm trying to be the bouncy me, to reclaim the bits that shriveled and almost died. Perhaps my biggest fear is that I'm not going to *be* my old self again.
Too much confession, I suppose, but I'm not hiding anything for any purpose. I haven't had a reason.
Vhaneedozah told you a beauty secret at
