YTuesday, August 26, 2008
waiting for red eyeI don't know how to put this in words. I am so weird. There are moments in my day when I'm just deliriously happy, shakin' with unexplainable joy. For no apparent reason, I have the urge to jump up and down and shriek with total happiness. Like that girl in "Love Actually" who, in a private moment, just goes all weird and jumps up and down on the staircase, grinning from ear to ear.
And then there are other times I just want to be melancholy and contemplative. I'll just sit by the window and watch the world go by. It is such a deep place I go to in moments like those, I can't explain expect that is the complete polar opposite to the deliriously happy. And how I move between the two and at what intervals! That is what's so weird. Not even within minutes of each other, I can shift the emotion from one extreme to the other and do so at will!
Is it the actress in me that never took the stage? The writer so familiar with the emotions and thoughts of their imaginary characters? Or the lunatic in me that makes me ill fated and worse a schizo? I should better stop listening to sad songs, it doesn't do me any good.
At some point, i like it, being able to pinpoint an emotion and feel it on command as it drains your whole body energy. There's a certain amount of satisfaction in exploring all of these emotions.~~
Been up and cryin' the whole night. My pillow could stand a witness to all these sanity. Watchin' the clock tickin'.. as its minuend moves up and down in a very slow annoyin' motion. No use to be in bed, got up and waited for someone with a very seemingly familiar face and a red eye to show up.. the waiting part is the most painful... as no one showed up.
I have to keep all this emotions wrapped up till the cryin' days are over.
Somehow, God must have a plan for both of us and so i should stop from hovering God's will. Acceptance is the key from all this hurt and the 'moving on' part will surely be next. Then i have to start wishin not to have our paths crossed in the coming years, for i may not be over you, yet. But foe sure, i will... in God's own sweet time.
~I have come not to make you love me, but to make you feel you're worth loving... -aug23,'08
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